1 post tagged “horses”

This one is a good question. I like it. I really do. I'm even answering it a day after the fact. Because I like it? There's that. There's also this. What's this (you ask)? Because you can't see what this is. That's the tricky fellow I am. This is my desire to play, to prop language up against the world and see how tall I can build the structure before it all falls over. The structure is absurd and makes me laugh, the eventual fall is equally funny, and it all makes me giggle to myself in my sleep. Or maybe snicker. Shit, am I writing a post here or the script to Lady in the Water?

To answer the question What do you hope to accomplish over the next six months, I'm going to take the position of the economist in the joke about the physicist, the engineer and the economist who get stuck on an island with a can of soup and a rock:

A physicist, an engineer and an economist wash up on a desert island with a can of food. Each attempts to figure out how to get the can open. The physicist provides an explanation involving vectors, lines of force and the transfer of energy from a rock to the the lid of the can. The engineer suggests bracing the can against one rock and hitting it with another. The economist can barely contain his contempt and says, "Gentlemen, you're going about this all wrong. First," he says, "let us assume a can opener".

So I'll answer from that economist's perspective, but first we need to make two further assumptions:

1. The economist has been rescued from the island after months of devipration, in which time he's had the opportunity to grow a beard, get in touch with nature, and eat the physicist.
2. The economist is very stoned.

Okay. In order to envision what I hope to accomplish over the next six months, first we need a assume a very evil man with long moustaches, who is so suffused with evil that he spends his time doing nothing but twirling his moustaches and steepling his fingers. Next assume a mountain on which the evil man sits, crouched as if in mockery of the notion of the guru. Seek wisdom here, the man's eyes and posture seem to say, and you will receive only the fruits of excessive evil. Ringed around the tall mountain lies a great barren plain, dirty red earth that serves only armored insects and spiky scrub. The dragonfly, the aloe bush, agave and yellowjacket, they are its inhabitants. From the north comes a horse, which we must also assume, and a rider, who spurs the horse onward, sometimes at a breakneck pace, sometimes at a canter. The rider is heading for the mountain, heading for the evil man, heading for a confrontation with the evil man, anything to break his endless moustache twirling and finger steepling - those irritating signature tics of evil. The horse clops on the hard red earth, its foamy sweat drips from its flanks. Sweat falls from the brow of the rider and soaks into his collar. The rider's neck looks like scored leather. The clops of the horse's hooves echo across the plain. The evil man adds evil laughter to his repetoire.

Within six months I plan to be that evil man. I've sold the house, started growing my moustaches, and I've invested in a black cloak and cape. Wish me luck! Or kill me before I post again on a Friday afternoon.