2 posts tagged “republic of overupinhereia”
Play any instrument or speak any language, which do you choose?
Question submitted by cruftbox.vox.com.
Hah. This one's easy; I'd speak a language that sounded like an instrument. Speech like Johnny Marr on guitar. Or like rock-filled lutes thrown over a cliff into a crowd of Renaissance Fairegoers, there's a language I could pick up quickly. A dialect that sounded like John Coltrane playing "Summertime" into a soprano sax filled with custard would, I think, be the funniest goddamn dialect ever. And the messiest. You'd need a bib just to get the time of day from me.
How about a language expressed entirely in clothes? Informal chit-chat would be jeans and a Tshirt. A sales pitch would require a polyester jacket. Business jargon would be expressed in speedos, bowties and one of those joke arrows through the head. And my former boss, no matter what he was saying, would wear an asshat.
Unfortunately, in the Republic of Overupinhereia, none of these languages are possible. There's only one language, and it's called Language,which each One of Us is born knowing. Every word in Language has only one meaning. There's no ambiguity, except for the word Ambiguity, which no One quite knows the meaning of. I think. At Language Class we recite Word in Dictionary along with Teacher in alphabetical order. Sometimes, because there's only One of Everything in Overupinhereia, a Thing breaks or decays so much that it's no longer recognizable, and the Word is removed from Dictionary. Our family used to own Car until it broke down one day, and since Garage had burned down a few years before, Car suddenly became Useless Piece Of Shit. Teacher removed Car from Dictionary the next day with Clogged Bottle of White Out. We hope Dictionary burns or gets lost, because then there'll be no more crappy Language Class.
Soda? Cola? Pop? What do you say? Any other regional words that set you apart?
Question submitted by Gladys.
Well. Where I'm from, which is somewhere inside my head, in the republic of Overupinhereia, we don't use of any of those crazy terms. Instead we say soft drink, which we pronounce like this: sawwwwfhd dreeenkh. You have to let your head swing loose from your neck and and sort of slur it out, like you're drooling soft drink as you say it. And we only have one flavour of soft drink in Overupinhereia, which is Soft Drink flavour. Sometimes we have Soft Drink with Chip Bag, which we can buy at overinflated prices when we watch Movie. We always watch Movie at Movie House, which has Lineup pre-installed at the door so you can never just walk right in, and if by some miracle you get past Lineup to Automatic Ticket Vendor, it's always out of service, which means that you have to either get back in Lineup or try to wedge yourself between Pimple Squad and Resentful Mother. Which never works. Only to find that ticket prices have gone up again, from one Money to three Moneys. Why, when Movie is always the same? Plus concession never has Hot Dog, only Soft Drink and Chip Bag and Food Tub. And you know the seats you want are taken by Obese Guy and His Mullet Friend. Damn. I'm tired of going to see Movie. It's always Hitch.
